Lame Jokes:
Two antennas got married on a rooftop. The wedding wasnt great but the reception was brilliant.
One in every five people in the world is Chinese. There are five people in my family. That means that one of them must be Chinese. It might be mom. It might be dad, it might be Colin or it might be Liu-Xang. But Im pretty sure its Colin.
How do you know that thats not your cheese? Because its not-cho-cheese.
(Ultra Lame Joke) What do you call a boomerang that doesnt come back? A stick
Question Jokes:
Why did Michael Jackson go to Wal-Mart? Because boys pants were HALF OFF!
Whats the difference between Simba and O J Simpson? Ones an African Lion the others a lion African
Why cant a blonde dial 911? Because she can't find the Eleven!
Quotes: "I believe men and fish can coexist together peacefully" - President George W Bush
Sketches:
Here are some things that movies can teach you:
It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
-A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
-If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
-Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
-It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
-When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
-No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
-Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
-When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
-You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
-Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
-An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.
-Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.
Short answer jokes:
A drunk guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks her over. He says, "You don't feel so tough now, do you, Batman!?"
